The rules are the same:
- Each writer will get 4 picks for why they think this movie is Rad!
- They get one pick per region. Those regions being: 1) Character 2) Scene 3) Moment and 4) Line
- The authors will discuss why they made their picks.
- Through eliminations they will figure out the singular reason why this movie is Totally Rad!
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Tournament of Rad
Characters Region
Raphael
Armin's Pick
First off, screw Leonardo – that guy is totally lame. Now that is out in the open we can address the most rude, radical member of the turtles. Raphael is known for his ‘tude, which is in full force from start to finish. TMNT: The Movie also features Raphael standing and yelling a lot; specifically yelling one word phrases really loud (“DAMN!!!” or “SPLINTER!!!!!”). He’s also the bravest of the turtles, totally going incognito wearing a trenchcoat to catch a movie, or do some recon on the Foot Clan. This is super brave mainly because no one in their right mind wears a trench coat anywhere, so Raphael either chooses to go undercover as a crazy person or he wants people to think he’s so ridiculously dressed that they will never take him serious. Raphael also spends a good chunk of the movie passed out in a bathtub, which is totally rad.
Armin's Pick
First off, screw Leonardo – that guy is totally lame. Now that is out in the open we can address the most rude, radical member of the turtles. Raphael is known for his ‘tude, which is in full force from start to finish. TMNT: The Movie also features Raphael standing and yelling a lot; specifically yelling one word phrases really loud (“DAMN!!!” or “SPLINTER!!!!!”). He’s also the bravest of the turtles, totally going incognito wearing a trenchcoat to catch a movie, or do some recon on the Foot Clan. This is super brave mainly because no one in their right mind wears a trench coat anywhere, so Raphael either chooses to go undercover as a crazy person or he wants people to think he’s so ridiculously dressed that they will never take him serious. Raphael also spends a good chunk of the movie passed out in a bathtub, which is totally rad.
Casey Jones
Mikes's Pick
I’m gonna get down to brass tacks on why I picked Casey
Jones… It’s the fact that he is a Superhero that wears sweet 90s
sweatpants. You know the kind… The gray
sweatpants that have a drawstring, elastic ankles, and shows stains from bodily
fluids. Other reasons to love this
character: 1) He suffered an injury and can’t play hockey, so naturally the
next step is to fight crime… for some reason. 2) He is super ignorant and
thinks that being claustrophobic means you like boys. 3) He thinks that Raphael
(A giant mutated turtle) is just a bald punker with green paint on. 4) He wears 90s sweatpants … 90s sweatpant!
And the Winner is...
Raphael
We had to give it to Raph just because he was such a strong character. When I first saw this movie, I thought he was a total A-hole but rewatching it now I see he is pretty Bad Ass. Additionally, a trench coat is a way better disguise than a hockey mask.
Scenes Region
Splinter's Origin
Armin's Pick
As a long time Turtles fan I’ve seen the origin told time
and time again, only one thing is sure; Splinter’s past is shrouded in mystery.
TMNT has my favorite Splinter story by far, we learn that splinter was the pet
of a kind ninja master. Taking full advantage of this, pre-mutated splinter
would practice ninja moves alongside his master. Side note: This makes
waaaaaaaay more sense than the Michael Bay TMNT, where Splinter learned ninja
moves from reading a ninja book (even the smartest of pre-mutated rats can’t
read).
We then see Shredder kill Splinter’s master and his
girlfriend in a double homicide, only to have Splinter freed from his cage in
the tussle. Splinter claws Shredder in the face (causing him to wear a bad ass
mask), Shredder in turn slices off Splinter’s ear.
Wow. That is how you set up motivation and conflict
for characters. Spoiler alert; This
rivalry comes to an apex when Splinter defeats Shredder by dropping him into a
garbage truck.
April's Apartment Fire
Mike's Pick
First it starts with a nun-chuck off, which is badass! Even though
Michaelangelo totally serves the Foot Ninja, a fight ensues. Michaelangelo definitely steals this scene
with a few unorthodox moves: His first move is not taught at any ninja academy
that I know of. It is called the “Wheel
of Fortune” in which he is on his back and gets spun around for 10 seconds and
knocks out around 15 members of the Foot.
The Foot Clan is super pissed at this point and gets out axes. Now I’m not sure if it is because the Turtles
are super good ninjas or if it’s because the Foot is super inept (probably
because the Turtles are good ninjas) but the clan keep hacking and missing with
their axes and are hitting the floor.
They hit it so much that the floor collapses and they go in the
basement. Now we get to the next totally rad part… Musical instruments being
used as weapons. Back in the 80s and 90s
this was pretty standard. First
Donatello gets his head smashed into some Piano keys to make a few notes, and
then Michaelangelo takes a pair of cymbals and performs the ultimate 80s/90s
move of smashing a Foot member’s head in between them. I am pretty sure I shit my 9 year old pants
after I saw this scene.
And the Winner is...
April's Apartment Fire
Now seeing a Rat do Ninjutsu is pretty rad but seeing ever day instruments being used as weapons.... Now that is Totally Rad!
Moments Region
Walking in Sewer
Armin's Pick
Nothing encapsulates the Ninja Turtles more than walking
in a sewer and saying cool words. Here is a run down of the exchange:
Leo - “Awesome!”
Mikey - “Righteous!”
Donny - “Bossa Nova!”
Mikey - “Dude, ‘Bossa Nova?’”
Donny - “Chevy Nova?”
Donny - “EXCELLENT!”
This is the movie pretty much all wrapped up in a neat
little package, the Turtles do something cool and then discuss how great of a
job they did. They also do this exact same thing later in the movie, only
Raphael says “Bitchin!” – WHOA, heavy for a kids movie.
Tatsu Tactics
Mike's Pick
The strong silent “Go to Man” of the Foot has some
inspirational techniques that we can all learn from. His clan is so well trained that during a
battle he doesn’t even have to tell them anything, he just makes a fist and
they know to rage. When it’s time to
retreat, he says “Ninja… Vanish” and 50 ninja are gone like the breeze. What happens when all of the wounded troops
retreat back to the Foot Clan Teenage Casino Hideout? Tatsu feels they need some inspiration so he
(a 40 year old man) starts just beating the shit out of these ninja teenagers
and almost kills one. If I had a coach
like him in High School, we would’ve won a State Title.
Side note: While looking at stuff for this article I saw
that Tatsu had 2 listings in the cast sheet.
One was for the actor and one was for the voice of the character. He said like 5 words for the entire movie!
And the Winner is...
Walking in the Sewer
Lines Region
Armin's Pick
Not to brag, but I saw this movie in the theaters when I was
7 years old. I know it’s only one word, but this is the one that has honest to
goodness stuck in my mind for the past 25 years. Every time I had ever seen the
Turtles they were fun and polite, but when Raphael dropped this “DAMN!” It was
EARTH-SHATTERING. Raph was pissed, and it was for real this
time. I told all the kids at school about Raph screaming DAMN!! They looked at
me like I was telling war stories from ‘Nam. Nothing captures the raw emotion of
losing your rat-sensei like this line, NOTHING.
."I made a funny"
Mike's Pick
This precedes a fight in which Splinter defeats his arch-rival Shredder (and I am pretty sure Casey Jones attempts murder by closing
a garbage truck compactor on him). The
Turtles all say “Cowabunga” and do a high five where they hold it for just long
enough where you think they will start rolling the credits. But they can’t roll
the credits because Splinter starts cracking up and says “I made a funny.” This causes the Turtles to just straight up
start dancing. All around… Magnificent!
And the Winner is...
"I made a funny"
Any line that causes people to start dancing is A+ in our books.
Click Here to see the Final Four
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